>>The Diplomat! Report — The Reverend Knows Best

>>Diplomat! here reporting live from the Westboro Baptist church in Kansas in the good old USA. Now firstly before I begin, I would like to say that it was a true loss when earlier this week Heath Ledger died and I feel for his parents and family. That being said, I report live from what I am figuring is the coldest place on earth, the church of Westboro Baptist. Now you may ask, why would I defame a place of worship and a people’s spiritual beliefs? Because really, these people are certainly no Christians.

No sooner they heard about the passing of Heath Ledger they decided to picket their anti-gay hate slogans outside his home. Now I’m not one to judge, but these people really have no heart. Through a pamphlet issued to their parishioners we see how heartless these poor excuses for human beings are, I quote directly from their pamphlet “Heath Ledger is now in hell, and has begun serving his sentence there”. What the F**K!! These people seriously need some sort of f***ing adjustment to their ways of thinking because, umm, how would they like me to come to their child’s funeral and say they were going to hell. Now this group haven’t suddenly come out of the blue, they had their claim to fame when they protested at dead soldiers funerals from Iraq. Another sick act from these things, I can’t even call these things people because that would be acknowledging them as human beings, you see human beings don’t do this.

Now who would be responsible in organizing these utterly stupid protests, none other than the totally f***ed up Fred Phelps. Who raised this guy, a freakin hick? You can just see it now, he lives in a shack out in the everglades much like the habitation in the movie “The Waterboy”. Well, at least Bobby Boucher came out of it to become an ok individual. Fred Phelps has been integral in creating such sites as GodHatesFags.com, now I am not including a link because I am sure this site would make you sick. Although some might not agree in the choice of the lifestyle of homosexuality, they are not going to do what Fred Phelps has done, no one is this sick.

I discussed this groups stance with one of their members, they simply answered by using their slogans (these slogans are 100% real). I asked why they do this type of defamation which I was shown a sign that read “God hates fags”. That was expected but I wanted to go further so I probed a little more asking why they believed that homosexuals should be treated like this and yet again I received a response that is typical of a backward hick “Fags Doom Nations”. By this time I wanted to really punch them into a ummm, no need to know, but it wouldn’t be pretty. As they filed through their signs to find the right answers to my questions I noticed other disturbing signs such as “God Hates Fag Enablers”, “Fags Are Worthy of Death” and “Thank God for AIDS”.

These people really do make me sick. The best solution to remove these people, don’t pay attention to them. If I myself did live in the US, I might even think to protest at one of their Sunday church worships. So, umm here is my messages to you Mr Phelps go think about how that when you pass, and you will, how you want to be judged, oh and F**K YOU!This is >>Diplomat! signing off and getting out of this frozen hell before I start a fire and burn the place down. It’s a felony you know?

Water, Water Everywhere

You wish. If like myself you live in Australia, you would know the scarcity of water and how every drop must be conserved.  The water crisis has escalated and we are now searching for new ways to create a water surplus. One of the cheapest and most readily available solutions was that to recycle waste water. This option is probably the best and most reliable if for not it’s only road block: the majority of people living in NSW.  When we think of waste water we see, umm well you know. Your probably thinking about it now. Poo water you say? But is it really? Firstly, lets look at where our existing drinking water comes from. We receive our water from Warragamba damn, a place surrounded by the bush and habitats. Not so bad right? Couldn’t possibly be worse than recycling water. Well, you could be wrong. Before it is processed the organisms that surround the Warragamba habitat use the damn for their very survival. Animals will clean, drink and even use it as a toilet, but this does not seem to bother us. Maybe its because we never think of this, maybe it’s about time you did.It is said that this recycled water is more clean than the drinking water we currently recieve because as it is recycled, it must go under more strict cleaning processors. Now contrary to the belief  this water does not have solid waste amongst it so when you take a drink your not going to get chunk of you know what in your mouth (Yes, i went there. Now lets move on). So what really holds us back? We have the best opportunity to relieve our suffering water level, but we can’t get past ourselves and our imaginations, there is nothing wrong, dangerous or distgusting about recycled water. Now, who wants to get me a glass of water? 

It’s Always Better On Holiday

Like a TV sitcom returning from it’s season 1 finale, Psychobabble Press comes back with season 2, with the same old writing that we call babble. Hopefully Season 2 of Psychobabble Press isn’t affected by the Writer’s Guild strike because umm, I want to finish this (btw I fully support their movement as 2 and a half pennies out of a dollar is definitely deserved by these guys. No writers, no show, simple as that). But before I can continue with my rants about how the world is, I must thank all the readers, but mostly I would like to thank; Amy, who helped me create and establish Psychobabble Press; Samantha, who helped wrote the most meaningful babble when I could not produce (Check out her post here); And thanks also go to Edward whose encouragement made me write more posts than my lazy hands could create.

So, I have had my holiday, now it’s time to get back to business and again, thanks.

Spider Holes and Nuclear Warheads

This blog seems to run on lies. I lie, >>Diplomat lies, Today Tonight lies but usually none of these lies are going to cause thousands of deaths and civil unrest. What really makes me unsettled is the fact that a government can lie and make up false premises to enter war. I am sick and tired of turning on the T.V to find another family ripped apart by the ravges of war, I am sick and tired of reading how we are giving “democracy” for those who have none.
When does it stop?
It can stop right now.
Really?
Yes, one thing more valuable than a war, is staying in power. Power comes straight from the people. People stop giving you power, you no longer have power.
No more war.
In 2003 Amercia entered a war against Iraq when “weapons of mass destruction” were suspected to be hiding in Iraq. They entered a war under the premise of two lies:
Lie #1: They said to us that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq
Lie #2: They had us believe that Saddam Hussein had direct links to Al-Qaeda
Lie #3: They were to liberate and create a better life for Iraqies (although it may seem that this plan went ahead, it has in no way benifited Iraq in anyway)
The actions of one leader impacted on a whole nation and the families of tens of thousands. The US entered a war which inflicted casualties on both their own army and the civillians of Iraq. No one likes a war, especially one that is not sanctioned by the UN but this time it was different. Hadn’t we learnt from Vietnam or at least Operation Deseart Storm. This time it seemed that the majority of the public backed the move to invade Iraq. Usually we can learn from history, when we invaded Vietnam people were scared of Communists and the “Dominoe” effect in Asia. In 2003 people were scared of terrorism and the threat of mass destruction from rogue nations, thus this fear fuelled a fire that would lead an invasion of Iraq. Our fear blinded us and lead us to believe there were really “weapons of mass destruction”, alas, there were not. Even I admit i beleived the bullshit.
We don’t have to be affraid because the use of knowledge and asking why should be enough to cure us of the fear that plagues us, but because of our society that likes to be fed their information due to sheer laziness .
If we ask why, we may just be getting somewhere.
The Iraq war has come to be one of the biggest bluders of this early stage of the 21st century, but by having the knowledge to select the right leaders, wars like these can be avoided in the future.

The Game Of Connectivity

1. A computer game, first programmed in 1985.

For all those who are into technology, one thing can be said you should all know the one and only game named “Tetris”. If it weren’t for the man who came up with such an ingenious game, Alexey Pajitnov, what would all people around the world do when in need for procrastinating? Yes there is facebook, myspace and bebo, but even facebook has the Tetris application. In fact if it weren’t for that great application what would I have done in my spare time during the HSC? STUDY??!?! (Yeah right)
But what should be brought to your attention is something more superior and of more complexity involved to just what one may think such a straight forward game.

Life is such a complicated thing, to the extent where at times it is too hard to grasp and understand, however, a mate of mine, Daniel, found an easy way to comprehend it.

So what is the mystery to that famous question that knows one is unable to answer…simple the meaning to life is “TETRIS”. Yes you did read correctly blogers, “TETRIS” is in fact the meaning to life, or at least it holds the secret to the meaning of life and how the world works.

How?!?!? May be the question on your lips…well easy take each block for instance, each is different in their own way, due to colour, shape and size. So are human beings, no two are alike. Furthermore each block has a purpose within the game. Without a certain block being positioned in a certain way, one is unable to push forward in the game. Humans are the same. One may think that they can do everything themselves, but at the end of the day need the aid of others in order to triumph in their life, and hence reach the next level in their lives.
Levels; anyone who has played the game would know that there are levels within Tetris. The better you are the higher you get, and the more challenging the game gets. Life funnily enough, has the same concept. As an individual progresses day to day challenges arise. Like the certain piece one need in order to complete the line…there are certain tasks needed to complete in order to overcome the particular challenge.

Each colour of the blocks are different, but have you ever pondered why? The most obvious inside the box answer would be so as to differentiate where each block should go and how blocks the same colour have the same shape, however, if colour blind that would not be of any help. The outside the box answer would be that each colour represents a race within the world. And each race has a purpose here on earth. Without one or the other there would be no equilibrium.

Thus through such a simple ingenious game, one is able to seek all the answers they need in regards to life. And so I end it at this the secret to life is merely a game, simple yet affective, this game acts as a metaphor for what life and the world really means. Life is merely a game with many challenges. At the end of the day it is really down to you to conquer the level and move on to the next challenge put in front of you.
–Salt’n'Pepin

The >>Diplomat! Report — Scare Tactics

>>Diplomat here reporting live from the Today Tonight set. The stench of Naomi Robson still haunts the halls here, some even say that if you repeat “Doll Bludger” 5 times in the mirror she will appear and well, the rest is so disturbing I don’t even want to type it (I can tell you it has something to do with Dancing With The Stars). I do beleive I promised another part to last weeks report on Dr Phil, but in the fear of being sued I decided to give it a miss (I aslo promised to write everyweek on a Monday, that too hasn’t been happening, but I’m getting it going now).
So firstly, what do I think of “Current Affairs” shows?
F***ing garbage. If it wasnt for stupid people who actually believed their stories, this crap would have dissapeared from viewing a long time ago, but alas, there are stupid people and they love to hear stories about how f***ed the world is and the next f***ing epedemic that has sweeped our shores.
Now, there are two shows I am talking about here, Today Tonight and A Current Affair. These two shows are so very different and original, the original part comes from showing the same story at different times during their half an hour time slot (I make joke yes?). These shows run the same stories over and over again, the horse has been flogged so badly it has already turned into glue and this glue has stuck itself firmly on Anna Corin’s face that she has a permanent smile that says “yes, this is bullshit”.
I investigated further into the old wardrobe of Naomi Robson and found myself a writer. I asked him how do they come up with these fantastic stories that kept me captivated for the time that they are on. Am I serious, no, but apparently the writers of Today Tonight don’t get sarcasim.
“Well you see, we split up the stories into two emotions, these being anger and fear. Now, we run four types of stories. Welfare cheats and shoddy tradesman go under the anger emotion and Immigration Invasions and Epidemics come under the fear emotion. We don’t know why we are popular, I just guess the people like good reporting”.
F***ing LIES!!!
So it turns out they dont get sarcasim, but they do know how to lie. Maybe they could find a comfy job in politics after they finish with their bullshit jobs on Today Tonight and A Current Affair.
Ok, so if they tell so much crap, why do people still watch it? Well, it’s because the writers understand that both anger ad fear block out any rational responses, when we see a story about Immigrants stealing Australian jobs, we dont ask ourselves, is this true? This is simply because we are so scared that there will be an invasion were we are forced out from our jobs, we continue to watch to see if there is any solution. Is there? Umm, it’s a bullshit story, you can’t have a solution when there is no problem. Another way they make their stories credible is through their numerous “experts”. When I say numerous, I mean in the tens of thousands, for every story there is a f***ing expert. I had a chat to one of their experts. This expert had just finished up on a story of the new epedemic hitting Australia through bacteria put on food during the packaging process in Australian factories. I asked what was their profession and what education level they had achieved.
“Well, I have worked in the Arnott’s factory for 3 months now as production line employee, oh and I never finished year 10″
I then asked how he could be an expert on these claims.
“Well, I came home with a box of bisquits, and my mum ate one, and she got sick. So yeah, I saw it first hand. Oh and Today Tonight paid me $1000 to do it”
My next question was if he was pissing me around and if he was really a scientist
“No, why would I piss you around. Australian’s have to know their lives are at risk because of this knew epedemic”
So, we are all scared and occasionally angry as a nation and Today Tonight and A Current Affair really know how to play up to this. Next time you see the cold Anna Coren just say no. Go watch The Day After Tomorrrow, that movie makes more sense in relation to the world than these tow shows do.
This is >>Diplomat signing out before Naomi Robson shows up and does the unthinkable to me.

Ask Why, Asshole

Take a seat boys and girls and I will tell you a story of magic, wonder, disbeleif and the greediest men in the world.
No, this is no Lord Of The Rings style story (it’s much better trust me), this is the story of Enron.
Now, I’m not going to pretend I know much about all the dealings of Enron, nor do I want to (trust me, it would take years and a PHD in Economics to fully understand), but I am aiming to give you the idea in this story. As all stories go, this too has a moral to be learnt and it will become ever so clear as I continue.
So, firstly, what is Enron. Enron began with the deregulation of natural energy, this basically means that tight restrictions controled by the government were lifted.
Enter Kenneth Lay (founder of Enron) he saw that deregulation meant money. Lots of it. But lots and lots of money wasnt enough, not nealry enough, Kenneth Lay wanted more so he set out to change the way natural resources were dealt with.
Enter Jeffery Skilling, Jeff would become CEO of Enron because of the way he changed the company. Jeff thought up of the wonderful idea of treating the natural resources industry as it’s own stockmarket where resources were traded like stocks and bonds.
So now we have Enron, not only producing its own energy, but also buying other peoples energy to sell. So you ask, how does this make the 111 Billion dollars it earned in 2000? Well this is where the story starts and it starts to get interesting.
Skilling became the idea man, a somewhat profit (Get it? It’s supposed to be prophet not profit. Hahahaha, oh forget it). Skilling used a method called Mark to Market accounting, this is where an estimate is made on future profits. So, this meant that Enron could estimate what it would earn from it’s assests in the future and present them as the current earnings.
WHAT!?!?!?!
So they could say, hmmm, this year we will make ummm, 111 Billion dollars?
YES!!!!
And this meant stocks skyrocketed.
At one time they were worth $90 a stock.
Doesnt that mean everyone wins?
Well here comes the downfall.
Mistake #1: Dabohl Project-
This was were they decided to dip their greedy hands into an untouched market, India. So they built a major plant to produce electricity overlooking one major flaw, India COULD NOT afford the energy. Although it was built, it was never used, it lays in financial ruin. Enron dumped 1 Billion dollars into this project but because of Mark to Market accounting they estimated that if Dabohl did take off it would make them rich. They posted this profit and executives recieved large bonuses.
Mistake #2: Caliafornia-
Now this was my favourite mistake, very entertaining. Enron owned the electricity for California thus it allowed them to switch on and off the power whenever they liked. Enron in the West coast was basically controlled by Enron traders, these people were ruthless, nasty people. They switched off the power and gave “rolling blackouts” to the West coast in order to make it seem like electricity was limited and in shortage. This meant that prices wet up for electricity, even though this meant that people were worse off. In a recorded conversation between two traders, one was quoted as saying (this is 100% real):
Enron Trader1- All that money you guys stole from those poor Grandmothers in Caliafornia
Enron Trader2- Yeah Grandma Mille, man
Enron Trader1- She’s the one who couldn’t figure out how to fucking vote on the Butterfly Ballot. Now she wants her fucking money back for all the power you charged up her ass
Enron Trader2- (laughs)
So, the West coast traders were making millions, infact they made 2 Billion for Enron, but it negatively charged their stocks and they came under investigation for criminal prosecutions.

Ok, so now we have Enron bleeding money, but still they were making a profit. How could this be? It’s impossible, except they had a card up their sleeve, Arthur Andersen accounting. These magicians moved Enron’s debts to their other “companies” most of these were fraudgalent. For instance the mysterious Lebanese banker Mr M Yass, or My Ass.

But it all came to an end when Enron ran out of ideas on how to keep proving they were making a profit and finally stocks crashed from $90 to 30c when it became bankrupt in October 2001. 20,000 of it’s employees lost 2 Billion in retirement funds and 1.8 Billion in wages. Many people are now unable to retire and will be working for the rest of their lives.
Both Jeff Skilling and Kenneth Lay are serving 21 year sentences.
Yes boys and girls, the moral.
Greeds a bitch.
As the Enron saying goes Ask Why, Asshole.

Special thanks to the movie and book: Enron, The Smartest People In The Room.